Postpartum Daze

I am now 3 weeks into motherhood and i have to say... it's not everything I thought it would be. Don't get me wrong, I am loving being a mother. Most of the time I feel like this is what I was meant to do.

But there are those occasions when i find myself thinking, "Can I really do this?". Those times at 3am when he has been crying for hours and after doing everything in my power to soothe him, I just get that helpless feeling. Shouldn't I have a magic mommy touch or something? I am discovering that maybe I romanticized these first weeks of motherhood while I was pregnant. I can honestly say, it's harder than what I thought it would be.

And the hardest part about being a mother now is not taking care of him...but taking care of me. By the time i'm done changing, feeding, burping, and rocking him to sleep, I am exhausted! And the fact that i know i will have to do it all over again in less than 2 hours, doesn't encourage me to do anything for myself except sleep! Never mind what my hair and clothes look like. Just finding time and encouragement to do the basic things like eating, showering and brushing my teeth is difficult. Whenever I am up and I have a short break, I just want to do something fun like go online or watch a movie. I don't want to spend an hour in front of the mirror putting on makeup or fixing my hair. Fashion and beauty just isn't as important right now as sleeping and saving my sanity. So, needless to say, I have completely neglected myself these past few weeks.

But I hear that's normal too...

I have been breastfeeding on demand so I have to learn what his schedule is. Once I figure that out and he gets old enough to start being entertained by toys, I will be making it a point to make more time for my self. I can't be stuck in this rut of neglecting mommy forever or it will lead to other problems. It is important for me to start learning how to take care of myself so I can begin to gain more self confidence. I was neglecting myself long before baby got here and I can't use him as an excuse forever.